Most successful leaders know themselves well, learn to lead themselves first, and then choose to be the type of person others follow.It’s been said that a boss drives employees while a leader coaches them—that a boss depends on authority, inspires fear, uses people, commands, and blames, while a leader depends on goodwill, generates enthusiasm, develops people, and fixes problems. In truth, anyone can be a boss, yet not just anyone can be a leader. So how can you be a successful leader? Here are a few ideas on the process:Leading is Never EasyIt takes hard work and persistence. However, it can become increasingly more joy-filled with healthy doses of self-awareness and a willingness to fight for the greatest good of your company and your employees. In GiAnt Worldwide’s work with leaders and teams across the United States, they call this the “Leadership of a Liberator.” Sensible LeadershipThere is plenty of advice, insight, and self-help material available for those wanting to learn leadership skills. However, we need to be ready to hear it. Sometimes, early on in our careers, we think we know everything there is to know. It’s when we’re ready to admit we don’t know everything that we are ready to do the work needed to become a good leader. Experience does not make a person wise. It is only the person who learns to reflect upon the experience who becomes most sensible. Here are a few tips for those seeking to lead and develop strong relationships with those they lead:1) Lead by example: First and foremost, you can’t lead others unless you realize that the process and product of team leadership is not about you—it’s about the team. Know who you are. Be comfortable in your own skin. Get to know your team members. Show them who you are and how you work by providing a strong example of ethical leadership. Then, provide the appropriate training; listen to their needs; and get out of their way and let them do their jobs. Show them you trust them and have given them the freedom to test new ideas and processes, yet hold them accountable for the goals of the company. In this way, you will foster growth of your team members, loyalty, and growth of the company.2) R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Mutual respect is a key to any successful team. Long-term relationships with your team members can be like marriage, where, in the early days, mannerisms and quirks might be cute and forgivable, but years later can lead to a gradual dislike of someone. The reality is if you don’t like someone, you won’t respect him or her. Communication is the key to respect. When something bugs you, tell the person respectfully.Pretty much everyone wakes up in the morning with the goal to be the best person possible. We all have naturally wired tendencies that drive our patterns that become actionable behaviors over time. The reality is that these tendencies might be annoying, but if addressed appropriately, they don’t have to be a continuous problem. Give your employees a chance to course-correct and don’t allow either of you to land in the arena of the “contempt of the familiar.”3) Communicate 10X: Do you work out? The discipline of regular exercise is similar to a rigorous commitment to daily, meaningful communication. Healthy communication is a discipline that takes work, time, and stick-to-it-ness to receive maximum benefit. When we work with someone new, much like with marriage, there is a honeymoon period. After the “newness” of the job wears off, communication has a tendency to do the same. Communication says easy, but does hard. The easy side of communication is the stuff of superficiality: “When are you taking lunch today?”, “Where’s the Smith-Stein meeting?,” or “What time will the caterer arrive?” Substantially real communication is found in the expression of feelings, frustrations, goals, vision, and needs.We know that anger and resentment can build because of unexpressed feelings and emotions. These feelings can fester and suck the joy out of the work that we once loved doing. Keep the lines of communication open, because these issues, if left unaddressed, can hinder the ability to move forward as a team and do the work that needs to be done. Often, fear keeps us from sharing openly and honestly with our employer/employees, so we don’t. It's a strategy called self-preservation.Over time, this makes it increasingly easier not to say anything, to do the everyday work, to count the hours until the end of the workday, or do almost anything else to avoid difficult conversations. We assume the issues will be dealt with eventually. Successful work relationships mean breaking down those barriers and asking, “What am I afraid of?”, “What am I trying to hide,” and “What am I trying to prove, and to whom?”If you only take one piece of advice from this article, it’s this: keep communicating. Your team and your life will become increasingly better if you keep open channels of communication and break through your walls of preservation.4) Know your team and have fun: Celebrate successes and milestones. And be sure to maintain a healthy dose of fun in your work relationships. This will refresh everyone on the team and make it easier to stay focused on the work to be done. Consider having a “once a month” long lunch at which everyone in the office goes to a movie. Have a casual day each week, but not on Friday. Hold a meeting in a park. Do Meals on Wheels, or volunteer once a month for Habitat for Humanity. These activities establish stronger relationships, get you away from the office, and help you see your co-workers differently.5) Stay on the same page: Hold an annual strategic meeting at which you set company goals for the year. Involve the team in setting clear and measurable goals. Hold regular team meetings to check in on progress. Provide regular feedback whether formal or informal. Sing their praises for progress toward the goals. Discover what resources are lacking, and address those needs. And be sure to address non-team behavior. Working together toward a common goal is the clearest path to success for your company.Final thoughtsCommit to leading by example, respecting one another, communicating well, knowing your team and having fun, as well as staying focused on the company’s goals. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run. WPM__Joseph Hill, GiAnt Worldwide, Minneapolis, Minn., and Beth Erickson, editor of Wedding Planner Magazine, La Crosse, Wis. Leadership Guides to Use When Working with Your Team: