Grooming the Groom— How to Get Him Actively Involved in His Big Day

By Kim Trehan, Soirée Planners/Soirée Lounge, Vancouver, BC, Canada Photos by Jelger & Tanja PhotographerBetween Canada and the United States, weddings are amulti-billion dollar industry. And despite the cultural tide, the industry remains completely bride-focused. But did you know that although it is usually the bride who takes charge of planning everything, it is the groom who ends up paying for it? Why is it this way? Because the constant projection of images of the pretty flower, the pretty dress, the pretty nails, and the pretty décor on websites and in the media that target brides means that the other half of the couple gets lost and forgotten. And it’s an important other half. The groom doesn’t care about pretty. He cares about the wedding. As vendors, we need to care more about him. I love getting the grooms excited and involved in the planning process. In fact, I start with the very first planning consultation by asking him what is important to him.Usually the guys end up focusing on the music, food, photography, stationery, and entertainment. This allows the bride to focus on flowers, décor, and herself. This also helps prepare them for marriage by allowing them to share duties. As a vendor, I get creative insight from both the bride and the groom who offer two (often) distinct points of view. This allows me to create one amazingly unforgettable event. How can you get the groom more involved in his wedding planning?1. Ask him what he cares about most.Asking the bride and the groom what they care about most is an amazing way of helping them realize on what they wish to splurge or cut back. It’s also the first step in making the groom feel like the wedding day is just as big of a deal for him as it for his bride. 2. Ask him to take charge.Often, I find that the groom likes to be in charge of the budget, tipping vendors, and handling the contracts—in other words, the not so “pretty” stuff. Regardless of what the task is, ask the groom to take responsibility of at least three things on the never-ending to-do list.3. Ask him what he enjoys.If the fiancé is a creative man and great at building things, get him involved in creating a seating chart, building something for the wedding, or in another creative element. 4. Ask him about his ideal honeymoon.Find out where the groom would like to take his new bride for the honeymoon, and get him involved in planning that portion of their special occasion.5. Include him in the gift registry process.Set a date for the couple to visit a few shops on a lazy Sunday and select items they would like to put on their gift registry. This is a great bonding experience that helps them build their new home together as a married couple. 6. Let him entertain them.When asking him to take charge, include the fun things like the music, booze, and maybe even a midnight snack bar. Although these are all things that the bride cares about, too, these are fun things most grooms will enjoy a lot more. Building that signature drink also makes for a great date night for the couple.7. Send him to a few workshops.Set up times for the groom to see a custom tailor so he learns the art of suiting up. Do the same with a barber, maybe even a cigar shop. Get him feeling like a pampered gentleman so that he can feel the excitement of the big day drawing near.8. Don’t inundate him with wedding talk.Constant conversation about the wedding is overwhelming and likely to get the groom running in the other direction. Encourage a weekly date night for the couple on which they don’t discuss the wedding. This will have them both feeling relaxed and in tune with why they are getting married and why they fell in love.9. Schedule periodic meetings.Be sure to keep the groom caught up with the wedding planning chat. Meeting once a month is plenty.As the wedding world tilts its focus slightly toward the groom, and the media offers the message that weddings are about the groom as much as the bride, planners and vendors will see the groom wanting to get more involved without the subtle nudges. After all, the wedding day is the first day of their life together—of their marriage. The planning can be the first step in helping the couple prepare for a life of compromise, open communication, and cooperation. ••