Ask the Experts
Q: “I planned a wedding where a friend of the bride was starting a dessert business. The bride wanted to give [her friend] the opportunity to showcase her desserts. I treated the vendor like any industry professional. . .On the wedding day, she arrived at the wrong location. At setup, she was a bit ‘snippy.' Her setup was nice and her desserts were delicious! Towards the end of the reception, she wanted to strike the station, but there was still nearly an hour to go. When I informed her of this, she said I provided her with the wrong end time and continued to argue. I chose to walk away, and double-checked my timeline, which confirmed that the correct time was noted…The day after the wedding, the bride thanked me, saying her wedding was perfect, and everyone loved the desserts. I [agreed]. Should I have told the bride the truth or lied and said [her friend] did a good job and just not work with [that vendor] again?” - Staci Mandikas, Unique Weddings & Events, Brandon, Fla.“The vendor is a friend of the bride’s, the bride was happy—anything you say will be seen with rose-colored glasses, and you will potentially upset the bride to the point of a negative review. Leave well enough alone, and don’t refer to the company.”- Mark“The bride doesn’t need to know this. I protect couples from hearing about ‘hiccups’ on the wedding day. (We all have them.) Don’t spoil it. Additionally, this will turn into she said/he said, and it could make you look bad. Especially given the personal relationship. However, it’s a shame that her friend didn’t do a better job of impressing you for future business, as I am sure you won’t be recommending that company. Some things are better left unsaid.”- Frank“My advice is to let the bride know that there had been some confusion on the part of her friend and that you had informed her of the venue address and told her the right end time and that she had her wires a bit crossed. Let her know that you did your best to help her but that you sensed some confusion and annoyance on the part of her friend. Assure her that the desserts were enjoyed and delicious but that this left you feeling a bit uncomfortable, so you just wanted to have clarity around the issues that had arisen because, in your opinion, this was the most professional way to address the situation.” - Merryl“Never lie to a client. Ever. (Or anyone else for that matter.) But there’s no need to bring it up now if it’s after the fact. Just keep the experience in mind next time you need to hire out desserts.”- Tonia“The bride, your client, was happy with the services you provided and that of her friend. Leave it at that. This new business owner may not be experienced enough regarding event timelines and may have been nervous. You mention that her setup was nice and desserts were delicious. Keep that in mind should you work with her again, and be sure to confirm the event address, start, and end times.”- Carmen“I don’t think you can throw the vendor under the bus to this bride. Stay on the high road. If I were you, and you think the vendor has a product worth selling, invite her to lunch and have a frank conversation. Make sure she understands that first and foremost, you are in charge at a wedding. Arguing with you or any wedding planner onsite is unacceptable. If she has a prayer of being successful, she needs to learn that lesson fast. See how that meeting plays out. Determine if you feel you can give her another shot. If not, move on. Just be above the fray in every possible way. At least in the end, you can say you tried. Or perhaps, you will end up with a great vendor later on.” - Donnie“If you would like to work with this vendor in the future, reach out to her as a courtesy and chat about the wedding and how the two of you could work together in the future. This would be the perfect time to tell her how you work and the expectations that you have of the vendors who work with you. Since she is just starting her business, maybe she has not worked with a planner before and this is a teachable moment.”- ShelbyQ: “How do you explain your policy regarding couples sourcing their own suppliers? And how much work should a wedding planner do in coordinating suppliers the planner has no experience with that were sourced by the couple?”- Melina Nicholson, Cinque Terre Weddings, Monterosso al Mare, Italy“I frequently encountered couples who had their own vendors, some we had never worked with. We made it clear that we required all vendors to be licensed and insured. If it was someone we had seen really bad reviews on, we made clients sign the AMA (Against Mark’s Advice). Basically, this is a statement saying that in our experience, the experience of former couples, or by reputation, we don’t recommend working with that or those vendors, and if the clients do, we are not responsible for the outcome or rectifying issues after the wedding. Beyond that, we deal with vendors in the same manner during the planning, whether we sourced them or not.”-Mark“I have a clause in my contract that says I make all recommendations on vendors. The client then chooses and contracts directly with the vendors I have narrowed it down to. Period. End of discussion. However, if a client has hired someone prior to contracting me, that must be disclosed. Also, if they insist on going off my list, it has to be approved by me (to protect them against problem vendors), and they take on full responsibility for the product and services of the vendor they chose.”- Frank“In general, we tell clients that we have preferred vendors who understand the way we work and our commitment to excellence and that we don’t like to compromise, because it can potentially negatively impact the outcome of the event. If we know of the vendor and have no great concerns, we will try working with him or her, but with a lot of oversight. If we know they are subpar, we tell the client we are not comfortable working with them. If they insist, we don’t take the job. You are only as good as your weakest link! We have learned this the hard way.”-Merryl“From my perspective, the wedding planner’s role is to plan. He or she plans with whatever tools and resources are provided, including a vendor that perhaps wasn’t in the original vision. If the couple selected a vendor you have concerns about, voice those concerns and consider an addendum to your contract in which you identify that the couple has selected X vendor (possibly against your advisement), that you are in no way responsible for the outcomes, and that you will carry out your commitments. If this is a new vendor for you, introduce yourself. You may have just found a great strategic partner for your future.” - Tonia“When potential clients contact me, I ask if they’ve already contracted services. If they have and these companies are not ‘professional,’ I tell the prospective client that I am not able to work them for X and Y reasons. I will not put my reputation and work ethic in jeopardy by working with suppliers that I am not comfortable working with.”- Carmen“It is ultimately their wedding. If they bring a vendor to the table, you pretty much have to deal with it. Just make sure you have a frank conversation with the vendor to ensure you are on the same page about expectations. And if you have difficulty, make sure the client is aware of the challenges. I always tell new clients up front that if they bring in vendors we will work with them, but cannot guarantee their services.”- Donnie“I explain to the client that I prefer working with vendors and suppliers whom I know provide quality work. Otherwise, I cannot confirm the quality of their work. I also explain that my company will not be held responsible for the actions of these companies. However, if they have already contracted with suppliers, we have to work with them. I find it helpful to contact the already booked vendors and suppliers to introduce myself and learn more about their company, providing them with information about my company and how we work.”- ShelbyQ: “Not all wedding planners are wedding stylists. What is the best way to separate these two roles and communicate the difference to couples?”- Melina Nicholson, Cinque Terre Weddings, Monterosso al Mare, Italy“Explain that you are truly a coordinator, and have nothing to do with the design of the wedding. You leave that to the florist, event decorators, lighting companies, and décor companies. You will be happy to make sure that everything they come up with happens and manage those details and vendors on wedding day.”- Frank“We all have our core competencies. Some people are better at event production. Others are better at event design and styling. Every once in a while you find people who are very good at both. Our job is to know what our strong suits are and bring in the troops to assist in those areas where we don’t shine or simply feel out of our depth. I would say to your clients, ‘I am an event producer. I am like the ringleader of an epic circus, keeping all of the pieces of the equation moving simultaneously and fluidly. I bring in my trusted vendor team so that I can produce the best possible event. An important part of my vendor team is a wedding stylist who focuses only on the décor, design, and installation. That is a specialized talent, and when I bring her in, it allows me to focus on creating a flawlessly produced event, which is my specialized talent. Together, we always make magic for our clients!’”- Merryl“Education is a key component to resolving this confusion. Take the time to explain, in your blog or conversation, the differences between the roles of a planner and designer. Clearly identify the scope of your involvement in your contract, and if you’re partnering with a designer in any capacity (like florist, rental coordinator, linens, stationery, cake, etc.), communicate clearly who is responsible for what area—encouraging each designer to do his/her best work and bring all of the elements together to create a cohesive event.”- Tonia“When speaking with a couple about their needs, if design is not something you are proficient in doing, then outsource. The same goes for planners—you should not offer floral design if you don’t have a background and experience in it.”- Carmen“Explain that many wedding planners are not experienced in actual design. If they are looking to secure a wedding planner that is also a wedding designer, they should seek one out. There are plenty to choose from. If the planner is not experienced in wedding design, they might want to secure a designer separately.”- Donnie“If your strength is in logistics, planning, and simple wedding design, explain exactly what you do to the client. There are some wedding stylists and designers who provide planning and design. However, there are some wedding stylists and designers who focus primarily on the design and decor of the wedding.”- Shelby
