Turning wedding traditions upside down

By Angela Hall, ABC™, Vestar, Fort Worth, Texas Photos by Amy Karp Photography, DallasAfter planning hundreds of weddings and events of all shapes and sizes, I’ve witnessed a variety of traditions carried out within America’s multicultural population. Even so, weddings tend to fit in a certain mold (you know what I’m talking about). So, when I got married this year, I knew my wedding would be nothing like any wedding I’d ever seen.I say this tongue-in-cheek—we didn’t host it underground, at midnight, wearing glow-in-the-dark formal wear, or serve pig on a spit. I’m sure that wedding exists somewhere, and it will probably be amazing. Still, we did shun most wedding traditions and created something magical and intimate that fit our personal preferences.‘Tis better to ask for forgiveness than permissionWhen my husband Ben first met me and learned I was a wedding planner, his blood pressure rose as he imagined that, one day, should we progress to that level, I might want a huge, formal wedding. When we first discussed our wedding wishes and I said, “Very intimate (i.e., not many people) and nontraditional,” he was relieved. When we decided to wed, our journey began with a choice not to use the term “engaged.” We stuck with boyfriend/girlfriend right up to the big day.Also, we chose to keep our wedding a secret. We didn’t tell anyone about the plans, with the exception of our 18 guests and the wedding professionals involved. Why? First, in order to honor our original goal of intimacy, we had to exclude a lot of close family and friends. Second, because I am active in the events industry, I knew I would be bombarded with offers from my fellow professionals to participate in my wedding. I hate telling people, “No.” Besides, who doesn’t love a good surprise?The bride did NOT wear whiteNext, no white dress. I’m pale, freckly, and a redhead. White isn’t really my color, but emerald green? That’s my jam. The dress took a while to locate, but Neiman Marcus came through with a fabulous Carmen Marc Valvo strapless ruffle bodice gown. The best part? I can wear it again and again! And I do plan to wear this knockout dress to a gala or two in the coming years while I can still fit into it.  Color gowns are definitely rising in popularity. A friend of mine and a Dallas wedding florist, Marcella Generalovich, got married the same weekend as I did—in Greece—in a hot red dress. To do this right, be sure to ask the guests to wear light or neutral colors so the bride will always stand out.In keeping with green, I wanted a natural emerald engagement ring. Jewelers discouraged us as these gemstones are delicate. However, I was dead set and found my way to Megan Thorne, a local jewelry designer who works out of a basement showroom in the funky/artsy part of town. She supported my vision. We compromised on the emerald by coming up with some fab wedding bands that I can wear alone on manual labor workdays. It was only fair that I take some precautions to protect our investment.Not your typical wedding venueNext on the list—a funky venue with food we really like. No saucy chicken for our guests. We’ve become huge fans of the local, legendary restaurant Hot Damn, Tamales! Great food? Check. With most of our guests coming from out of state (Ben is from Illinois), we wanted to provide a great Tex Mex dinner.  Ambiance? Check. That place is oozing with history and character—displaying local artists’ works on the background of exposed brick, pressed tin ceilings, and distressed concrete floors. To completely transform the place without taking away the charm, we took everything out and loaded in our own tables, chairs, lighting, and more.Who’s on first?Amanda Taylor, venue coordinator at Hickory Street Annex in Dallas, has noticed that many couples are breaking out of the traditional timeline mold by partying first and getting down to serious business later. That’s what we did, too. Since we wanted a candlelit ceremony, and we were about a week away from the longest day of the year, we had to rethink the order of events lest we ask our guests to eat dinner at 9:30 p.m. So, we did cocktail hour, dinner, and then the ceremony, followed by cake and dancing.Also, we held the wedding at the end of a long weekend, on a Sunday evening. Guests had been in town since Friday, and we filled their calendars with local Fort Worth flavor. By the time the wedding came around, we had spent so much quality time with them that we actually got to sit down and enjoy our wedding, not feel compelled to entertain!What to ignore and what to keepWe axed many of the other traditions, too. There would be no bridal party, formal introductions, cake cutting, cheap favors, toasting flutes, or toasts for that matter. We also ignored the notion of sleeping apart before the wedding and not seeing each other beforehand. We came to the decision to marry together, so we were going to do it all together. Ben watched as I got my makeup and hair done at the house. I picked dog hair off of his custom suit. He zipped me into my dress. This was one of the most special parts of our day.Overall, this article is not about the strange or unusual themed wedding, it’s about couples being true to themselves. Most of today’s couples, like couples of the past, feel compelled to structure their weddings the same way their peers do, include the same traditions, and wear standard attire. For planners, sometimes it’s reinvigorating when a couple wants to try out-of-the-box ideas. Yet, while it’s our job to ensure couples are not totally alienating their guests, it’s also our job to give them a wedding that best represents their preferences. Provide support when a couple expresses interest in coloring outside the lines, because it makes the industry a much more interesting, challenging, and inspiring place. ••